Creating the Good Goodbye

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I was talking to a colleague recently who was leaving an organization after being there much of her career. While she was excited about her career’s next chapter, a part of her was grieving.

​This made me think of some work I had done a few years ago working with a team that was ending its work together. In our death phobic culture, we Americans love to celebrate new beginnings, youth and vitality and ignore that everything ends eventually. Similarly, the vast majority of study of teams and their performance has focused on how to start out right with a team, build it and move it to high performance.  

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We Ignore that Teams End
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Few team models acknowledge that teams end. Yet with increasing frequency people experience these endings in their work life. It could be through finishing a cross-functional project. Or because there has been yet another reorganization. Or they are reassigned. Or they leave the organization.
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Individual and Group Needs

In his work on group endings, Matt Minahan says that the each individual on the team needs to identify lessons learned, detach from the group and decide on new ways to maintain key relationships. To have a successful ending the team needs to debrief the whole experience, acknowledge individual contributions and celebrate success. 
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Conflicting Emotions

People often have simultaneous conflicting emotions of loss at the group coming to a close and relief that the task is done. Without acknowledging these feelings and providing an opportunity to pause and celebrate, endings can be messy and feel unfinished. The depth of these emotions will also depend a lot on how much a person’s identity is caught up in being a member of this team. Will some team members mourn the loss of this team? Can you expect them to experience the stages Kubler Ross identified in the grieving process of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance?
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Helping the Team have a Good Ending

What can you do to help your team have a successful ending? Take some time to create space for a different type of conversation. Are there ways that you can create a meeting that doesn’t just feel like yet another team check in or progress report. One that marks this important rite of passage. That helps each team member surface what they learned throughout the project or by being on the team. What they are proud of? What mistakes did they make and how they learn from those? Try asking each person to appreciate something that each of their team mates brought to the table. Are there funny stories to share and remember? Is there something they can create to memorialize the experience? 
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Creating a Vision for What’s Next

Then how can you help them start shifting their focus away from the past and towards the future? What are their hopes as they think about moving forward? What skills did they develop that they want to capitalize on as they move into new roles, new teams and new projects? How do they want to stay in touch with each other? How can you help them create a vision for what’s next?
Have a team that is ending and need help crafting an appropriate process that helps it end well? Inquire about a coaching call.
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